J. Kaspar Barnes
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Previews
Most people don’t hate Tuesdays. They loathe Monday, thank God
for Friday, celebrate hump day, and look forward to Saturday and
Sunday. Even Thursday has an ‘it’s almost the end of the week’ feel
about it. Tuesday, however, doesn’t seem to evoke any particular
emotion. For most people it’s neutral—the Switzerland of days. At
this particular moment of my life, I despised Tuesday and not just
because it was the day that I regularly cleaned our bathrooms. I hated
Tuesday because it reminded me of how stupid I was. The
Adventures of Mom, Chapter 1
The only other time I could remember being this excited about a
career was when I was eight, and decided that I wanted to become a
famous singer like my two idols, Gladys Knight and Aretha Franklin. I
held onto that dream for a full twenty-four hours, before my brother Bill
pointed out that I was actually a pasty-white Norwegian girl who,
despite my best efforts, could not carry a tune even if it was super
glued to the top of my head (not to mention the fact that the only soul I
ever possessed had been pledged at birth, by my mom, to the
Lutheran church). Dream squasher.The Adventures of Mom,
Chapter 2
When Emma was five, her kindergarten teacher said to me, “We
have places for children like Emma.”
I thought at the time she was commenting on my parenting skills and I
replied, “Yeah, well my sister’s a lawyer and there is no way that
we’re going to let social services take my daughter.”
As it turned out she meant that Emma had great potential and would
benefit from a more challenging educational environment—go figure.
After that, the teacher had trouble looking me in the eye. Let’s just say
I didn’t make the short list for room parent. The Adventures of Mom,
Chapter 3
“No,” Mona said, “Worse.” She looked around nervously to make
sure we weren’t being overheard. “Carole was explaining to me that
she was only allowed to be PTA president for one year and that she
was already looking for someone she might nominate to replace her
next year. She thought I would be perfect. She said it wouldn’t be
hard because she would still be very involved and tell me what to do
and the whole thing would practically run itself.”
Aha! Just like Carole--trying to set up some sort of evil PTA puppet
regime. I knew she was a communist! Her things are just a little too
neat, if you know what I mean. I could totally picture her goose-
stepping. The Adventures of Mom, Chapter 7
.
Most people don’t hate Tuesdays. They loathe Monday, thank God
for Friday, celebrate hump day, and look forward to Saturday and
Sunday. Even Thursday has an ‘it’s almost the end of the week’ feel
about it. Tuesday, however, doesn’t seem to evoke any particular
emotion. For most people it’s neutral—the Switzerland of days. At
this particular moment of my life, I despised Tuesday and not just
because it was the day that I regularly cleaned our bathrooms. I hated
Tuesday because it reminded me of how stupid I was. The
Adventures of Mom, Chapter 1
The only other time I could remember being this excited about a
career was when I was eight, and decided that I wanted to become a
famous singer like my two idols, Gladys Knight and Aretha Franklin. I
held onto that dream for a full twenty-four hours, before my brother Bill
pointed out that I was actually a pasty-white Norwegian girl who,
despite my best efforts, could not carry a tune even if it was super
glued to the top of my head (not to mention the fact that the only soul I
ever possessed had been pledged at birth, by my mom, to the
Lutheran church). Dream squasher.The Adventures of Mom,
Chapter 2
When Emma was five, her kindergarten teacher said to me, “We
have places for children like Emma.”
I thought at the time she was commenting on my parenting skills and I
replied, “Yeah, well my sister’s a lawyer and there is no way that
we’re going to let social services take my daughter.”
As it turned out she meant that Emma had great potential and would
benefit from a more challenging educational environment—go figure.
After that, the teacher had trouble looking me in the eye. Let’s just say
I didn’t make the short list for room parent. The Adventures of Mom,
Chapter 3
“No,” Mona said, “Worse.” She looked around nervously to make
sure we weren’t being overheard. “Carole was explaining to me that
she was only allowed to be PTA president for one year and that she
was already looking for someone she might nominate to replace her
next year. She thought I would be perfect. She said it wouldn’t be
hard because she would still be very involved and tell me what to do
and the whole thing would practically run itself.”
Aha! Just like Carole--trying to set up some sort of evil PTA puppet
regime. I knew she was a communist! Her things are just a little too
neat, if you know what I mean. I could totally picture her goose-
stepping. The Adventures of Mom, Chapter 7
.
Real Moms Aren’t Perfect
(Carol Brady Doesn’t Count)
(Denver, CO, 02/11/08) Move over Mrs. Brady, a mother that real women can relate to has finally
arrived in the form of Natalie Quill, the less-than-perfect heroine in The Adventures of Mom, the
debut novel by former stand-up comedian and full-time mom, J. Kaspar Barnes.
Lost in the shuffle of the daily management of kids, husbands, households, and aging parents,
many mothers come to a point in life where they ask, “What about me?” Such is the case with
Natalie, full-time mom, PTA outcast, and Home Owner's Association nemesis who is desperate to
find an exciting career—just one thing in her life at which she can finally succeed. Looking for fame,
fortune, and, most importantly, an escape from housework, Natalie finally sets her sights on the
career of mystery novelist.
Needing inspiration for story lines, Natalie blackmails her slimy half-brother into giving her a
receptionist position in his private investigations office. She bungles her way through catching a
client’s cheating husband, tracking down a neighbor’s amorous dachshund, finding a U.S. senator’s
missing daughter, and eventually, cornering an assassin.
Natalie’s strange family, affection for expletives, and inability to keep her mouth shut are exaggerated
reminders to us all that there is no such thing as the ideal parent. But, in the end, the reader
understands that moms come in many varieties, all shapes and sizes, and are generally much
better parents than they give themselves credit for.
| The Adventures of Mom is now available for inside the book search on Amazon.com! You may browse the inside pages at will to see if you like the book! |